SELF ENQUIRY: WHO AM I? I AM

This has been long awaited!

I am who I never was and who I will never be again.

At this moment, I am your own voice.

I am these words and you are the meaning.

I can be whoever you choose for me to be because you give me meaning.

I am constantly evolving as you are, so I can never really be defined, as “I am” before words.

The best way to convey this is:

I just am, as you are.

So in short 'I am' is not here to be understood

I am here to be lived through you.

I am You, I am no different.

Hey there, so glad you made it and tuned into this blog station.

let me ask you something.

Did you feel a little estranged by the way this blog spoke directly to you earlier?

All the while, we interact with the world so outwardly.

We talk to people.

We observe things, form opinions.

We make decisions.

We experience life through everything that is happening around us.

But here, something slightly different is happening.

Here, I'll keep you one step in and one step out.

One step in

experiencing what is happening within you.

And one step out,

watching yourself experience it.

Because there is a very peculiar thing about the words “I am.”

We use them constantly.

I am happy.

I am tired.

I am a woman.

I am a teacher.

I am spiritual.

I am angry.

I am this.

I am that

We attach something to “I am” and then, very quickly, we begin living as though that definition is who we are.

Suggested music for contemplation. Something in the background :)

https://youtu.be/cpjby8K70AM?si=Hrd03xFWLFDtagW0

Why do i need to know Who I am? What good does that do?

Honestly, you don't need to. If you are happy with the way you are functioning & going about your life then that's that.

The I am isn't here to fulfil your needs anyway, on the contrary the 'I am' is only here to join you in the discovery of the 'one' who, is trying to fulfil itself through these so called 'needs' that keep growing & changing always keeping you in a state of flux or dissatisfaction.

We are constantly constructing ourselves.

I am successful. I am attractive. I am behind. I am productive. I am not enough. I am spiritual. I am becoming my highest self.

You could say:

We spend so much time creating an identity outside and online that we sometimes forget to notice the person who exists when nobody is watching.

Have you gone through a similar experience?

You're scrolling through Instagram and suddenly see someone your age living a life you wish you were living.

And almost instantly:

I am behind.

Pause.

Comparison is here.

The discomfort is here.

The thought is here.

But is that who you are?

One step in. One step out.

We so easily make one part of our experience into the definition of who we are. And then we wonder why we feel small, insignificant or trapped by it.

But isn't it simply one part of our experience not the definition of who we are?

Well, if you saw yourself in this there is nothing inherently wrong with any of this.

It is simply how we experience being human.

But eventually, some of us get tired of the chase.

Or perhaps life itself intervenes. We lose something we thought made us us - a relationship, a role, an achievement, an identity we had built our sense of self around.

I had noticed this before, but I didn't stay with the curiosity long enough to really understand it. Eventually, it was through loss that the understanding became impossible to ignore.

I realised how temporary some of the things I had held so tightly really were, and how easily life can change them or take them away.

But we don't all have to learn through loss.

Sometimes, all it takes is a little questioning.

A quiet moment of noticing.

A feeling that there has to be more than what we've been taught to chase.

And perhaps, whether we arrive here through loss, curiosity, or simply an inner pull to understand, we eventually begin asking:

What remains when everything I thought was “me” changes?

Take away the face of the profile picture. The bio. The achievements. The relationship status. The opinions. The labels. What remains?

And when you do, you come back right where you began

I am.

Not to another answer.

Not to another identity.

Everything we identify with is subject to change. Our body changes. Our roles change. Our relationships change. Even the way we understand ourselves changes. Yet somehow, through all of that change, there remains this simple sense of “I am.”

I am.

It was here before the chase.

It is here during the chase.

And it will be here when you finally stop running.

Always here.

Never elsewhere.

And perhaps the more we understand who we are, the more clearly we begin to understand our relationship with everything around us.

We can still love deeply.

We can still want things.

We can still participate fully in this strange, beautiful life.

But maybe we don't have to cling to everything for dear life anymore.

Maybe we can simply be here for it.

This is where the “I am” and what you call “you” begin to intertwine.

We are constantly moving between our individuality and our interconnectedness.

There is you - with your name, your memories, your preferences, your experiences, your relationships, your story.

And yet underneath all of these things is this incredibly simple experience:

I am.

You don't have to do anything to make it happen.

You don't have to earn it.

You don't have to become spiritual enough for it.

You simply are.

And perhaps the role of “I am” isn't to give you another identity to hold onto.

Perhaps its role is to help you question the identities you already hold.

What this would look like in situations?

Imagine someone says something that really gets under your skin. Triggers you perhaps!

Your first reaction might be: “I am angry.”

Let's not blindly accept it. Let's question the identity. Why? Because it is our default setting.

Let's break it down

First notice it carefully , 'I am' was here before.

Anger emerged later in response to the outside situation.

Which means 'I' itself am not just this feeling of anger.

Now, we frame it more clearly saying : “Anger is here.”

Feel the difference?

In the first, anger becomes who I am. In the second, anger becomes something I am experiencing rather than who I am.

You haven't denied the anger. You haven't suppressed it or pretended to be spiritual.

You've simply created a tiny bit of space between who you are and what you're experiencing.

You will still feel anger, “you may also notice a little more clarity because of the space you've created.”

That tiny bit of space might look like nothing but, it is where awareness begins.

We slowly then can start to notice the thought without becoming the thought.

Feel the emotion without deciding “this is who I am.”

Observe the role without believing that the role is the whole of us.

And suddenly, we are deep diving into the unknown, the unseen, even the parts of ourselves we have censored or avoided. There is room for curiosity, always. This room helps us experience more of us, not build a wall around, that defines and limits us.

Because we aren't straight away settling for This is Who i am.

Not necessarily to find a final answer.

But to keep discovering.

Forever together, unravelling the strange and beautiful question:

 The role of I am is to unravel "What it really is to be I am"

A word of caution

Sometimes we turn spirituality into another identity to achieve.

I need to become calmer.

I need to become enlightened.

I need to become healed.

I need to become my highest self.

But notice the language.

I need to become.

And underneath all that becoming is the very thing we're trying to discover:

Who is the “I” that is trying so hard to become?

And what happens if, for a moment, we don't attach anything?

Just notice:I am.

No description.

No role.

No story.

No past.

No future.

Just the strange, undeniable fact that you are here.

And this is where I want to begin.

I am

Who is the one looking?

Who is the one questioning?

Who is the one experiencing all of this?

And suddenly, we're back where we started.

I am.

One step in.

One step out.

Looking at the world.

Looking at ourselves.

And somewhere between the two, beginning to discover what it truly means to be here.

A question Ramana Maharshi kept returning to

There is a reason the question “Who am I?” keeps appearing in spiritual traditions. The oldest question we know of

Sri Ramana Maharshi made this question the centre of his teaching through

ātma-vichāra, or Self-inquiry.

But notice the question carefully.

He didn't ask, “What am I?”

He asked:

“Who am I?”

And perhaps that tiny distinction changes everything.

Because we're so accustomed to answering the question with descriptions:

I am this body.

I am this personality.

I am this profession.

I am this story.

But what happens when you keep asking, Who is the one saying “I”?

You aren't being asked to find another definition.

You're being invited to look.

And perhaps that is the beginning of self-inquiry.

Not collecting another answer about yourself, but becoming curious about the one who is experiencing all of these answers.

From what i quoted earlier “I just am, as you are”

An ancient resonance

There is another beautiful echo of this inquiry in the Chāndogya Upanishad.

Tat Tvam Asi 

poor yet, perhaps the closest translation  

“That Thou Art.”

It points towards a beautiful question of identity:

What if the “I” we experience as ourselves isn't quite

as separate from the greater reality we experience around us as we think?

And suddenly, our little “I am” begins opening into something much larger.

Perhaps I am isn't only a statement about individuality.

Perhaps it is also an invitation to wonder:

Where does “I” end?

And...

where does everything else begin?

“I don't understand what she's talking about. Maybe spirituality isn't for me.”

if all of this sounds confusing, that's okay.

It doesn't have to make sense straight away.

Leave trying to understand and simply begin with curiosity.

You don't need to know what consciousness is.

You don't need to know what the Self is.

You don't need to meditate for an hour.

You don't need to believe in anything supernatural.

Start with just noticing.

For a moment, don't say:

I am tired.I am happy.I am worried.I am successful.I am failing.

Just notice: I am.

You're here.

You're breathing.

You're experiencing.

You don't need to add anything to it.

Stay there for ten seconds.

What do you notice?

That's enough.

To Explore further

Sri Ramana Maharshi - Who Am I? (Book)

A beautiful place to begin exploring Self-inquiry.

Chandogya Upanishad - (reference 6 th chapter)

For Tat Tvam Asi - “That Thou Art.”